THE MIND SHOW on Clubhouse - The Happiness equation and Addiction
Arthur Brooks- Harvard Professor and Behavioural Social Scientist speaks
I have been on Clubhouse for over a week which has been dubbed Silicon Valley’s exclusive app for the elite and all that goes with that by some media outlets. However, it has been the opposite with conversations having many layers, being intellectually stimulating and having very welcoming community of people. It has enabled me to foster deep conversations on a wide range of topics with many different people as well as supercharging my learning all whilst going about my daily tasks. Big thanks to Shardul for the invite after reading my last piece.
The Mind Show hosted by Psychiatrists Aparna Atluru and Whitney McFadden weekly on Clubhouse is a great opportunity to learn about the human mind and mental health.
This week’s guest- Arthur Brooks- Eminent Professor at Harvard.
Here are the takeaways-
Success is addictive - A lot of people say they prefer to be ‘special’ than happy.
When I AM SUCCESSFUL I AM HAPPY- This is a very addictive trait.
They are choosing something over happiness because they think anybody can be happy (but most can’t achieve what they want to achieve) and therefore happiness isn’t as important to them.
2. Addictions crowd out our relationships- which leads to unhappiness. Addictions can be like a love affair drawing you away from your relationships. Real friends are people you love and addiction will stop that happening.
3. The portfolio of happiness- look inward, connect spiritually, work for others, make time for friendships and family. These can be overlooked as people chasing success think anybody can do this so it’s not as special.
The high potential Peter principle- people will be lifted to level of unhappiness.
Unhappiness is healthy to experience from time to time
It’s more important to have love instead
Purpose and meaning is important in life which also requires pain
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter which makes you experience pleasure. Addiction is overstimulation of this mechanism.
In modern society we let others define our success which leads to the success addiction and neglecting our relationships.
A dilemma for creatives is that nowadays we get status from being a misfit. Society is increasingly pushing this narrative - we are pushed on being the creative misfit people admire like Steve Jobs.
Success can get seductive and that can eventually cause dysfunction if it’s excessive over time.
We are competing on too many things- which leads to worse experiences - we then get treated worse- it becomes a hedonic treadmill (highs only last for a few days) and leads to dissatisfaction overall.
44-52 percent of happiness is determined genetically.
Ultimate enterprise - is a start up life not company due to the possibility of explosive rewards which can become a dream.
People who chase extrinsic goals (money, power, pleasure, fame) are more likely to be depressed, angry and have headaches than those with intrinsic goals (love and relationships).
People in their 20’s- what holds them back most is fear of social rejection.
Dopamine fasting- abstaining from addictions
addictions cause -delight, anticipation, artificial stimulation is bad
Ingrain yourself to needing that more and more
Brain employs homeostasis
Addictive behaviours such as internet shopping, consuming sweet food, gambling etc
Unhabituated response triggered over time.
I asked Prof Arthur about money and happiness- last year I spoke to Ashley Whillans who is a Professor on Happiness at Harvard Business School. She had published studies on how trading money for time leads to you being more happy.
Find the balance in life and prevent comparing yourself to others
Can get better at happiness- half of happiness is circumstantial - a new car won’t make you happy. You need a happiness proposition and generate your own happiness portfolio. Success comes to an end.
We use money in 4 ways-
Buy stuff
Buy experiences
Buy time
Give it away
Advice for tech entrepreneurs-
Start-up life- love is the attraction
Need to take risks with capital which is your heart
Need to put yourself in a scary place to be an entrepreneur
Average entrepreneur has 3.8 failures so needs or be prepared to face rejection
Risk is needed- if you think you will get rejected- its going to hurt and it will change you for the better too.
Happiness is ambiguous - Questions to ask yourself-
Imagine yourself in 5 years and you are happy
You decide what that is and what it looks like?
What are you doing, tell me about your life?
Exercise- What are you doing?
Assess why worldly rewards make you happy?
Be ambitious - problem is when it become paramount.
Withdrawal comes after any addiction.
Essentials for happiness- Faith, friendship, family and work- accomplish and earn your success and serve the people.
Conclusion - Love people, Use things
I would suggest buying Arthur’s new book- ‘How to build a life’